it's man devouring man out there and who are we to deny it in here?

I don't know if I really have a point to this blog, but I just kind felt like writing one anyways.

I'm so TIRED. Where does my energy go all the time? I have no idea why but I'm always drooping, falling asleep in class... it needs to change!

Besides that, I had a pretty good day today. Drama was fun. We got cameras today for our film projects and we just decided to film our group. It wasn't what we were supposed to do, but whatever. When does our little group ever get work done in drama? Except this time Rudolf actually has proof that we're useless. HAHA. Interrogation spoofs, pretending to be the Breakfast Club, zooming in on Coe's boobs and using human luggage in our scenes... only a few of the highlights of what is just a regular day in drama class. I think it's the only class that I actually look forward to.

Sometimes I don't understand people. Friends. They're great, we have fun together, we're all joking around and then his girlfiend shows up and he completely ignores us. It's irritating. She really has to go. And he and Robin rag on me for ignoring them in the hallways. Psh.

I guess I do do that, though. It's mostly because I don't know what to say. It seems so natural in Drama class, I don't even have to think about it, but once we're out of that room it suddenly gets awkward. I kind of have this problem where I just think that oh, they have enough friends, why would they need me? So I just pretend not to notice them because I don't want that to be confirmed... I think. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws. I don't know.

Honestly, I don't even know why I'm saying all of this. I have issues, who cares. So does everyone else. Whatever. I don't want to write my essay. Ugh, this is trash.

her dress whispers reckless

Selfish, selfish, selfish. Stupid plan. Probably won't even go through with it, but even my consideration of it speaks volumes. It won't make him happy. What are you thinking? How would anything like that make someone happy? So selfish.

So tempting.

catch a pearl and ride the dragon's wings

I'm in one of those good moods. It kind of came out of no where. It's not like I did anything out of the ordinary or excited. I worked for six hours (time and a half! $13.50 and hour!) and then went to a movie with Christina. But for some reason I'm just kinda happy-ish. I had so much energy when I got off the bus that I ran all the way home. It was pretty random. Maybe it has something to do with the long weekend.

now the lesson's learned, i touched and i was burned

I know I shouldn't trust people so easily. I know I should be more careful. But a lot of the time I don't know how I can be more careful than I already am. Sometimes I get tired of shutting up, you know? Sometimes I just want to spill it all. Not usually. But sometimes. It's a problem. I need to fix that.

I don't know if I can trust her with what I told her. She told me herself that she lives for drama. Why would I, the exact opposite, have shared anything with her? Weak. All I can do is wait.

We'll see.

swords beneath my clean dress

So maybe things at school aren't that bad. Doesn't mean I'm not counting the days till summer comes, but maybe the days are a little more bearable, really. Maybe I'm just saying that because I had a good day today. Maybe not.

Saw "Knowing" today. It had the potential to be a really good movie. The whole idea in the beginning of the movie would have made for a great story. How do you ruin a potentially great movie? ADD SOME ALIENS. Pshh. Great explosion scene though. It was pretty cool.

put another dime in the juke box

According to my calculations, discluding weekends, Pro-D days and holidays there are exactly 47 days left of school (Screw you, Eden! :P). I just want it to end. I'm not a fan of monotony. And what's more monotonous than going to the same building five days a week for six hours straight, sitting at a desk? It's so damn repetetive. It almost feels like a time loop or something; living the same day over and over. This year I'm going to make the summer count. No lying around watching TV and being lazy. I'm going to make the most of the little time I have before 12th grade. My final year. I don't even want to think about it.